Inspired

After reading many blogs and looking at some thinspo, I am newly inspired. Though this week has been horrible for me, I have decided I can't let myself get into these anymore. I am seriously done with doing this shit! I am with Ana, and I am going to keep her with me no matter what. I love her... Now, anyone out there who has been dealing with this rebelion of our dear Ana, contact me. I will do anything to help those out there! I need your inpsiring stories, just as much as you need someone to listen... Ana is our common factor, even if nothing else matches up. We are her's, therefore, we are bonded. She is our forever leader, and we need to make sure to not disobey her so much. She knows that we rebel, but doesn't it just hurt us worse? It does. I am going to do a liquid fast for the rest of today and tomorrow. I don't know if I can do it Sunday, because it is Easter and that means a big family dinner, but I will do everything in my power to eat as little as I can.

I hate the suffocating feeling I get when food touches my lips, enters my mouth, slides down throat, and drops down to my stomach. I feel so fat and ugly when I eat. I crave the feeling of being empty. I crave excersice. What I crave the most, though, is thin.

This blog is helping me, as is reading other peoples inpiring blogs. I feel like I am filled with a new burning passion. I just hope M-Style is as motivated as me. If not, I hope her reading this fills her with inspiration.

I'm worried. I know that some of my friends are noticing me eating less. I know that they are worried about me. I am worried they will take Ana from me. This week was partly to try and show them I'm fine, and partly to show my family that I'm fine. I hated this week so much though. 2 fucking pounds... in one fucking week. It's the worst I've done since I accepted Ana into my life. I've realized that now, all I want is for them to fuck off and let me be. If this is the way I've decided to live, then they should accept it. Just like me being bi-sexual. No one has ANY right to judge me, well except for Ana and myself. If you want to tell me what I am doing is wrong, just leave. I really don't want to deal with any of you little fucks. This is my life. And though I may be worried about you taking Ana from me, I will be able to deal with your nosey-ness. Ana is mine and no one shall take her from me.

I seriously love everyone out there who doesn't judge, and can accept. This is the way I've decided to live, so just get over it. I want Ana in my life. I don't want her gone from me. She is mine. Mineminemineminemine! You may not take her from me. I love having her with me.

Thin is perfection, and I am willing to do anything for it. Thin is my life. Thin is everything. Thin is what controls my thoughts. Thin is what I know my 95lbs boyfriend wants, even if he won't admit it. Thin is what my parents want, because a fat daughter isn't good enough for them, if perfect is what they crave, then I shall throw a perfect daughter into their lives. Thin is what my brother says I am not, so I must be thin. Thin is what people see as impossible for me. Thin is what I know is so far, but I must get there. Thin is those collar bones that show, those hipbones that portrude from your perfectly flat stomach, and those thighs that don't touch. Thin is everything in this society. Thin is what I need. Thin is my life. Think Thin! THINthinTHINthinTHINthinTHIN! Think thin, my pretties.

I know we can do this. I know that everyone has that determination in them. I know that thin isn't just something you can dream about, but something you can be. I know that you can do it. I believe in every last one of you. I love you all, and will keep my thoughts on everyone out there so desprately reaching for perfection. Though it may fall from your grasp, you must continue to try. You must grab it again, and clutch to it tighter. No one can take this from you. No one.

You are your bones. Bones are pretty. Bones are covered by fat. Fat is what disfigures you. Fat is what makes you ugly. Everyone is pretty, but most are just covered by fat. You are pretty underneath all that fat. Fat isn't pretty. Do you want to sit at home, worrying about how you look in those shorts? Or that adorable mini-dress? Or that kick-ass bikini? No. Get rid of that horrible fat. Be pretty! BE THIN! Just be thin!

I'm even more inspired after writing this. I am inspired by so many things. Just stay inspired my darlings. I can't wait to hear some of your stories. I can't wait till I am another pretty girl walking down the streets surrounded by my Ana-friends. We will rule the world. Everyone will want to be us. Ana is our secret weapon. Let's use her to our advantage!

~AnaMia124